Skipped a day

On Monday I asked J if we could skip my appointment. I've been stressed out the past few weeks and I felt like I needed a break that day. I didn't think I was in a good place, mentally or emotionally to take a spanking. J was ok with that, but said we would resume on Wednesday.

Wednesday was today and I still wasn't exactly into the idea of getting spanked, but I no longer felt like it would be emotionally bad for me like I did the other day. J asked me if I have been feeling motivated and I said no. So he asked if we should go back to every day spankings. I said definitely No!

J assured me that even though I might not be into this right now, he is going to make sure to keep up with it. Every other time we would have stopped and gotten out of the routine of spanking. And after a short time we would both be wishing we never stopped. He said this time he's not going to allow that to happen.

My J is so strong and takes such good care of me. He has been the best husband in so many ways, but lately his will to be consistent has been shining through. Hopefully that will help get me through the times when I am not interested in being spanked!

The Puppy Papers

I recently mentioned that I was reading The Puppy Papers. I just finished it tonight.

This book consists of emails between Sharon (puppy) and Steven (the Dom). As the book goes on, they're mostly just Sharon's emails to Steven. He doesn't always respond (or he just didn't publish his responses).

Steven is a very experienced Dom and is also involved in the porn business. Sharon has limited experience, but is very eager to learn.

Right away Steven stresses the importance of compassion, trust, and respect. He's also quick to state that even when he's in complete control, he is aware of his sub's headspace and safety. These are things I can appreciate that I think are important in any relationship.

Sharon is self aware and seems to be able to put her feelings into words that are relatable. She's very honest about what she wants and who she is. She is very willing to explore and learn about herself and about being a sub. She has no conflict or guilt, about what she feels, just an overwhelming desire for completeness. She says she communicates better through writing than she does in person, which is something I can relate to, as I do the same thing,

As the relationship progresses it seems like Sharon starts pushing for more of a permanent thing, but she tries to be subtle about it. She often drops hints, like saying how much she wishes they could spend more time together and she wants to serve him more often. She also mentions she'd like to serve him 24/7. He rarely returns a comment when she mentions it.

The book does insinuate bestiality, which is not something I'm into. She doesn't go into any detail about it though, so it didn't turn me off of the book.

There were times when I thought some of the stories of Sharon's past might be exaggerations, but then I think of my own life and realized I did some crazy shit when I was younger. Even dangerous things that now I can't believe I did, so it's possible it's all true.

I'd recommend the book if it's a subject you are interested in. Being all emails, it's an easy book to read. I was able to get through it pretty quickly (when I could find time to actually sit down and read).

Communication

This is the latest post on Submissive Journal Prompts
http://www.submissiveguide.com/journalprompts/

"How does your owner expect you to communicate when you are angry/upset?"

In my case I don't have an owner, but I do have a dominant husband. And he expects full honesty and open communication. Which works out great for me, not only do I value honesty, but I also tend to be blunt and uncensored sometimes.

Thankfully J and I haven't had to deal with any distrust or jealousy issues, and our communication has never been a problem. It's one of the reasons our version of DD works so well for us.

I'm nearing the end of The Puppy Papers by Puppy Sharon & Steven Toushin. I should have a report for you in the next few days.

The Puppy Papers

I recently started a new book called The Puppy Papers by Puppy Sharon & Steven Toushin. I just started it, so I don't have much to say yet.

This is the description from the back of the book:
This unique and honest story traces one middle American woman’s journey into kinky sex. After 18 years of trying to be the perfect wife, mother, church member, friend, and professional, she realizes something big is missing in her life. With a few strokes of the keyboard, she stumbles into the amazing sexual hunting grounds of the Internet, falling with eyes open into the world of adult personal ads.

As only a puppy can, she eagerly jumps into BDSM on her first real-time encounter, meeting the man who becomes her first master. With that initial taste of kinky sex, a desire that laid dormant for many years came alive so strong that there was no going back. Beginning with the man she first called master, puppy embarked upon a search for her true Master. This book is the result of six months of e-mail correspondence with her current Master, that began as He desired to know her better.

Since puppy is a quiet woman around her Master, it was only through the written word that her story emerged, eventually taking on a life of its own. puppy’s story includes memories of herself as a little girl learning about her body, her sexual awakenings in her teen years, and the maturing of her libidinal desires. There is no conflict or guilt in puppy’s story, just an overwhelming desire for completeness.

In other news, I have been going to the gym according to the schedule J has set for me, so I've avoided being grounded so far.

I've also been motivated enough to complete my to-do list every day. I even started spring cleaning and have done many extra chores. And J and I are finally going to paint the office this weekend. I'm excited to pick a new color; the current paint is dingy and dull.

Spring is here!

Grounded?

Last night I was complaining again about the fact that I keep skipping the gym. J was tired of hearing it, and he announced that I would be going back to the gym starting today, and if I don't he will ground me. When he said that, my initial response was disbelief. Ground me? Those were words I hadn't heard since I was a teenager. It sounded so weird coming from my husband.

J let me know that yes, I will be grounded if I don't get back into a gym routine. I didn't ask too many questions, but he did specify that I would be grounded from the computer, as well as getting an early bedtime. I don't know if the grounding would also include TV, phone, going out, things like that. I also don't know how long I'd be grounded for - an hour? A day? A week? I am hoping I won't find out. Being grounded would put a serious wrinkle in my day to day activities.

J's right though, without any consequences I get lazy and skip the gym. And then he has to listen to me complain about not having any energy and feeling flabby. And it's no fun to listen to someone complain about something they can easily fix.

I haven't gone yet, but I still have plenty of time. We are lucky to have a 24 hour gym, so I can still fit in a workout later this evening.

Unfinished List

For the first time in a long time, I didn't finish my to do list. I knew I'd be getting a spanking when J got home from work. I was not looking forward to it. I feel like I've been spanked a lot this week. Plus I was already scheduled to receive a reminder/maintenance spanking tonight.

For my punishment, J used the big, long wooden paddle. The one I hate the most. He gave me 2 swats on each cheek (one for each item not completed on my to do list). I didn't exactly cry, but it did bring tears to my eyes. That paddle really hurts!

A few hours later, during my reminder spanking, J let me know that he won't hesitate to spank me every day if he thinks it will help me remember to get my list completed. I immediately said "No Way!" Three times a week is enough.

Once all of that was out of the way, we had a nice start to the weekend. We had a fun time running some errands, then we spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching movies. I felt very relaxed and loved.

Happy weekend!

Bedtime Blow Job

I was feeling a bit grumpy last night at bedtime when J wanted a blow job. I said I didn't feel like it and whined about it. J does not like whining. At all. He immediately rolled me over and spanked my pussy. He reminded me that I am not allowed to tell him no. He also reminded me that the punishment for whining is getting a dick in my mouth. J feels that if I am whining, he will give me something else to occupy my mouth with. Sometimes he uses the cock gag, most times he uses his own cock.

The pussy spanking was short, but very stingy. J made sure to spank most of my very sensitive areas. He was having a bit of trouble holding open my lips to spank my clit, because of the position we were in. For a second I thought he was going to ask me to hold them open, but thankfully he didn't. I'm not sure that I would be able to actually do that knowing how much it hurts.

When J was done spanking my pussy, he guided my head down to his cock and fucked my face until he was satisfied.

My whining was pointless. All it got me was a pussy spanking. Sometimes I just can't help myself.

Why domestic discipline is not domestic violence.

I recently read this blog post by Natty over at The Punishment Book about why domestic discipline is not domestic violence.

I like how the post points out very clearly how the two are not even remotely connected. The biggest, most glaring difference is consent. There is no consent with abuse, and it is largely based on manipulation. With DD there is consent and honesty. At least there is in our household.

If you have a minute, go read Natty's great post on the subject.

The whole blog

I just re-read the whole blog from the beginning. It was interesting to see what I was feeling a couple of years ago. I'm happy J and I have been able to progress in this aspect of our relationship. We're both much better at it now, especially the consistency part of it. I give J all the credit for that. He has not let us slide back into laziness when it comes to our spanking schedule and other aspects of our version of DD. I'm not sure it will ever sound "normal" for me to say I have a spanking schedule.

Even with the spankings, I sometimes find myself sitting here staring at my list, feeling lazy, wondering if it would be worth it just to get spanked. At the end of every day it seems like I have that one thing on my to do list that I just do not feel like doing. I think to myself, "I could just not do it." But then I think of how it feels to be spanked as a punishment. Most of the time, I ultimately complete my to do list. Maybe that means the reminder spankings are working.

Bent over the chair

Tonight was just like any other night when I decided to ask J, "Are we having our appointment today?"

He looked over at me, surprised, "Why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel like it."

Without hesitation J commanded, "Stand up."

I did as instructed.

J guided me over the chair, pulled my pants down and started spanking with quick, sharp swats. After just a few minutes, he pulled my pants back up and stood me up again.

He then told me to get on my knees, which I did quickly. He guided my head down to his cock. After he came, he told me we could cancel the reminder spanking.

I guess that was one way to tell me. ha. ha.

Submissive Journal Prompts

I've been having some trouble coming up with things to write about. I feel like I'm writing about the same spanking over and over. So, I did some searching online for some ideas awhile back and I came across this site. I forgot about it until today when I was going through some old bookmarks. It's called Submissive Journal Prompts: http://www.submissiveguide.com/journalprompts/

The prompt today is about blogging and it says this: "If you have an online blog, this would be a good week to reintroduce yourself to your readers." So that's what I thought I would do.

My name is Cassady and I'm a spanko. I've had an interest in spanking for as long as I can remember, but it was always a sexual thing. Over the years I've been able to find tons of information, thanks to the Internet, about spanking, different lifestyles, BDSM, DD, and many other things that interest me. When I met J he had never spanked anyone. He is a gentle soul, and I was afraid he wouldn't be able to step into any sort of dominant role. But if you've been reading this blog you know he is a natural.

We've taken aspects from different schools of thought, and have found things we really like and that work well for us. We have stopped and started trying to live our own version of DD many times. Somehow it seems like we stop for a specific reason (house guests, illness, laziness, etc.) and never start back up again. But we are both happier when we could keep up with it. This last time we started, we both decided we would make a commitment to make it a priority. And so far that's been working out great.

I get regular spankings 3 times a week. We usually call them reminder spankings because the purpose is to remind me to finish my to-do list every day, stay motivated, and submit to J. It also reminds me what the consequences are of not doing those things. I also get weekly pussy spankings. This further aids in my submissiveness.

This is all done with my permission and at my request. J is so very loving and attentive, I could never dream of someone else I'd want to be married to. And he cares enough to discipline me when I need it.

Feel free to introduce yourself in the comments or send me an email.

Pussy Punishment

J and I had a very nice, relaxing weekend where we got to spend a lot of time just being together. There was one point where I was a bit of a brat and wouldn't expose my tits when J asked. He reminded me that was a no no and asked if I wanted my pussy spanked. Of course I said no.

Since he didn't spank me right then, I figured the incident had been forgotten about, but tonight after my regular reminder spanking, J told me to flip over onto my back. He reminded me that I was due a punishment spanking on my pussy for refusing him this weekend.

He whipped my pussy with a small strap, while lecturing me on whose pussy it is and how I agreed to submit to him. This was my first pussy punishment and I thought it would be a lot worse. When I get my ass spanked for punishment it's way worse than a reminder spanking. But the pussy punishment was not nearly as bad as the weekly reminders I get. Although at one point he spread my lips wide and was spanking directly on my clit. That hurt a lot.

J then started using his thumb to play with my clit during the spanking. He was doing both at the same time. I asked him why he was making me feel good, when it was supposed to hurt, but he said I shouldn't tell him how to play with his toy. He's right, so I didn't object further. Overall it felt more like a game than a serious spanking.

He didn't let me cum at that time, and the spanking didn't last very long. When it was over, we cuddled for a few minutes. It always feels so right being in his arms.

I'm quite happy with the way we've been progressing and keeping up with our version of DD. Every other time we've tried it, we ended up stopping and months would go by before we'd start again. J has been great about maintaining consistency and a level of strictness. He doesn't let me get away with much. For the most part I get my things done every day and don't get punished very often. And that definitely feels good.

Many implements

I came into the bedroom and saw all of these implements laying out on the bed.



I knew tonight I was going to be spanked on my ass and also on my pussy. For various reasons that seemed to happen one right after the other, it has been a long time since I've had my pussy spanked.

I was first told to lay on my stomach. J sat next to me on the bed and began to spank me with his hand. He switched on and off with the strap, ruler, and other implements pictured above. At one point he spanked each cheek hard, very quickly, one right after the other. It seemed to go on forever. My ass was on fire.

We discussed the usual topics during the spanking. The reasons for the spanking, understanding the rules and consequences, if these reminder spankings help me get things done, and what I need to do to avoid punishment.

Once that was over he had me flip onto my back. He started right in, using his hand at first. He also used one of the small leather slappers. J lectured me more than usual tonight during my pussy spanking. He was very stern. I felt like he was in a very strict mode and I also felt like he would not abuse that role and he would take care of me. He thoroughly spanked my pussy and lips. He even spanked inside my lips, on the very sensitive part. He used the ruler on my pussy and also on my nipples. It stung and I know I squirmed a lot.

I feel very submissive immediately after a pussy spanking. I guess that's the idea. Thing is, it wears off pretty quickly. The submissive feeling. Not totally, but mostly.

Tonight, right after my spanking, J did an inspection of my pussy. He checked to make sure there were no marks or bruising. I feel so exposed when he does his examinations.

He then started playing with my clit. At one point I asked him to move his thumb to a different position. He asked me if I was trying to tell him how to play with his toy. And he said, "Didn't we just talk about whose toy this is?" Yes, yes, we did.

I was close to cuming, but he stopped and said that wasn't the time for that. I hopped in the shower and thought about finishing myself off, but I wasn't sure if I should. We have no set rule about me cuming. Generally I just cum whenever I want. So I thought I would wait and mention it later. When I did J said I could use my favorite toy tonight to come before I go to bed. I am looking forward to that. I couldn't wait though. Just a little while ago I used my hand while still in the office. I just couldn't wait for the release.

Velcro Underwear

I was punished again today for not completing an item on my to do list. It's nearly always the same item - not practicing my guitar. I really do want to play the guitar, I just hate the practicing and learning part. I get so frustrated when I can do it perfectly right away. So I didn't do it yesterday and J spanked me for it. I got several really hard swats with the strap before he continued spanking me for my regular reminder spanking. At one point J pulled my ass cheek to one side and spanked the inner part. I can't recall if he's ever done that before. It stung!

I worked on an interesting project today. Awhile back I read somewhere that a man made his wife wear underwear with velcro on the inside anytime she received a spanking. Mostly it was for when she got spanked as a reminder right before they went out somewhere, she'd wear this special underwear so that anytime she moved, the rough part of the velcro rubbed on her already hurting ass. It was to serve as a constant reminder throughout the night.

Well I've never seen any velcro underwear for sale anywhere, so J asked me to make some. I took a pair of my own underwear and bought enough velcro to cover the back part AND the front part. This was also J's idea. That way when I am required to wear it, it will rub on my ass and my pussy. I just finished it today, so I haven't had a chance to wear it yet. I'm hoping I don't have to wear it for a long time, because it looks very uncomfortable. When I am eventually required to wear it, I'll be sure to blog about it.

Punished Again!

I don't know what it is with me, but anytime there is anything different in my schedule (like J gets home from work early, or I am not here when he gets home, etc.) I forget to show him my completed to do list.

I forgot again today and J had to ask me for it. After I showed him the list, he reminded me that I am to show him the list every day when he gets home from work. He led me into the bedroom, pulled my pants down, and had me lay on my stomach on the bed.

We recently got some new implements and J decided to use this new one today:



It's essentially just a belt sewn together at the end. J says it gives him a good amount of control when he swings it.

It feels just like any other belt and it stings. I felt more defiant today, and slightly irritated. It's sometimes hard to see what the big deal is. My list was all finished, so that should be that. But J's point is that he doesn't know it's done if he doesn't see it, with everything all checked off.

The spanking wasn't very long, but he lectured me the whole time. He finished up with a few really hard swats to my ass with his hand. Then it was over.

Tomorrow I will remember...

The Scorpion's Sweet Venom

I have been feeling unwell again, so J and I have not been playing at all. I have been getting my regular reminder spankings, but even they have been brief. I am anxious to get over this sinus infection, and severe skin dryness, and cramps, and get back to our regular fun!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days ago I mentioned a book I was reading "The Scorpion's Sweet Venom" by Bruna Surfistinha. It was a quick read and I just finished it last night.

The book starts with some background info about Raquel, the author. She's adopted and her family is wealthy. She is constantly seeking to push limits and find adventure. She doesn't exactly feel love from her family and at 17 decides to go out on her own. She very willingly becomes a prostitute and lives by her own rules.

She takes on the name Bruna, and in the book she switches between her reality as Raquel and her reality as Bruna.

She is successful at her job and mostly enjoys her work. She makes interesting observations about her clients. She decides to start a blog as an outlet and it becomes very popular, landing her in magazine and television interviews.

She gives a lot of pointers in her book about what people really want sexually but are too afraid to ask their partners.

She sets a financial goal for herself and when she reaches it, her plan is to get out of prostitution and go back to school for psychology. She seems to be very strong and level headed.

She does meet her goals and leaves prostitution. Her plan was to keep up with her blog, but it is an invalid link, now, so I guess she didn't.

I wouldn't call it a great book, but it was very interesting and I would recommend it to anyone who has an interest in her story. I like the way she seems so sure of herself, even when she's faced with an unsure situation. She seems to be easily able to separate sex and love, which is something I can appreciate.

Forgotten List

I again forgot to show J my completed to-do list on Friday. I don't know why I keep forgetting. This is the 3rd time. I didn't remember until I was already bent over on the bed, with my pants off for my regular Friday reminder spanking.

J said, "Did you forget to do something today?"

At first I didn't know what he was talking about. And then it dawned on me!
I quietly said, "I didn't show you my list."

I got a short lecture and 4 really hard swats with the strap, in addition to my regular reminder spanking. During the lecture J told me he wanted me to journal about forgetting to show him my list, when I get spanked for it, why, and how I felt.

I don't know if he meant for me to do it on the blog or not, but that's where I'm doing it.

January 29th - Today I was spanked because I forgot to show J my to do list.
I felt shocked at first, I was in disbelief that I had forgotten anything. I've been really good at finishing my list. But once I realized I had forgotten to show J, I felt disappointed in myself. I had forgotten again. J asks me how will he know if I have completed my list or not unless I show it to him?

The spanking hurt and I may have yelped once or twice, but I didn't cry. I never do. J led me to the corner and told me to stand there and think about how I'm going to remember to show him my list every day. I'm still not sure exactly how I'm going to remember, but I hope I do!

Later in the evening I made the mistake of whining. J abhors whining. He always tells me he will find something else to put in my mouth. So after about 30 seconds of whining, I found myself on my knees with J's dick in my mouth. He's done this before and usually only has me suck him off for a few minutes, but last night he had me suck him until he came. In the past he has also made me wear a cock gag for whining. He really doesn't like to hear whining.

J has been on a toy buying spree the past week or so. He ordered a bunch of new stuff. The skirt is the only thing that has arrived so far. We are waiting on several slapper type paddles, and some other stuff. I'll post pictures as things arrive.

I'm not quite sure what he's up to with the new toys, but the theme seems to be "things to slap my pussy with". A lot of these new toys are things that will make me feel very submissive and that's something J has been paying a bit more attention to, lately. I feel like I might be headed for a bit of sub-type training in the near future. I am partially excited and partially terrified. I sometimes get very anxious if I feel that I'm not in control. But once I get past that, it's something that makes me feel good in the end.

Not having had my pussy spanked in so long; I am really feeling like something is missing. Not like there's some big flaw in our relationship or anything...more like the very deep level we connect on is just slightly less deep. It's due to some girlie issues I've been having that have prevented us from playing much and I think that's really what I'm missing. Hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

New skirt!

Do you ever say you need a spanking, and then once you're being spanked you realize you were completely wrong and you didn't need a spanking after all? That's how I felt today. I think J is feeling back into the swing of things this week, as my spanking felt more real than it has for awhile.

J ordered a skirt for me to wear once the weather gets warmer. I think he will have me wear it when I am doing certain household tasks, or maybe after spankings, I'm not sure yet. Here is a picture of it.



I started reading the book I mentioned the other night - The Scorpion's Sweet Venom. I am only a few pages in, but so far I like it. She writes as 2 people - her real self and her prostitute self. I like the way she uses a different font for each story.

I Need a spanking

I'm glad it's Monday. My spanking schedule has been intermittent for the past couple of weeks. I've been sick off and on, and for some reason I always felt worse after a spanking. So J stopped them for all of last week. And pussy spankings haven't happened in 2 or 3 weeks.

I'm feeling mostly better now, so I am getting a spanking tonight. And I really feel like I need one. One day last week I didn't complete my to do list. I just didn't really care about it. Partly it was because I wasn't feeling well and partly it was because I knew there'd be no immediate consequence. At the time J did say we will discuss it next week.

I hate admitting that I *need* to be spanked, but my motivation slips away so quickly without regular physical reminders. I keep thinking that one of these days we will decrease the reminder spankings to maybe 2 days a week or maybe even once a week, like we once did. But it seems like as long as 3 days a week keep working, J is going to stick with that schedule.

I probably won't get a pussy spanking this week, but those will resume next week. I am feeling like I need one of those too. I haven't felt very submissive or sexual lately. Again it's partly because I am unwell, but it's also because we haven't had that connection in awhile. J has mentioned that he can tell I am in need of one.

I just got a new book. It's called "The Scorpion's Sweet Venom: The Diary of a Brazilian Call Girl" by Bruna Surfistinha. Part memoir, part cautionary tale, part sex guide, Bruna brings to life the raw, desperate and dangerous underbelly of the Brazilian sex trade, and shares outrageous advice for the bedroom, like what men really want but are too afraid to ask. Provocative, seductive and unforgettable, The Scorpion’s Sweet Venom is the vivid account of a young girl’s life on the street, and a fearless expression of human sexuality.

I'll post a review after I read it. Anyone else reading anything?

Motivation & Consequences

J and I talked about consequences tonight. Well he mostly talked (and spanked) and I mostly listened. J asked me if I feel more motivated. I'm not sure motivated is the right word, but I definitely make sure my things are done every day.

I notice that when I'm thinking about not completing my to do list, my first thought is that I know I'll get spanked for it. I say things to myself like, "It won't be so bad." But I've not yet had a punishment spanking since the most recent time we started our version of DD. I know the maintenance spankings are pretty bad, I don't really want to know what a more severe spanking would be like.

Ultimately I decide to complete my list and not find out what a punishment spanking would be like.

I haven't had any corner time in a few weeks. The corner we normally use has been occupied by some boxes of stuff that we need to move to storage. So J has been skipping that part. I can't say I feel any differently about things without the corner time. I know it's supposed to be time to reflect, but I usually just stand there, bored and wondering how much longer I have to stand there. So I haven't missed it.

Since we are talking about corner time, I thought I would comment on another section from the article of unknown origin. (AG = Article Guy)

AG is a big fan of corner time. He requires his wife to be nude while in the corner, which is essentially what J does. Although J does let me wear a robe (untied) if I am chilly.

AG says the minimum amount of corner time should be 10-15 minutes for maintenance, and 20-30 for punishments. J usually only makes me stand in the corner for 5 minutes or less. I get bored standing there and usually my mind drifts to other things that aren't related to the spanking I just received.

AG's reasoning for the length of time is that he says there are cycles of thought. He says his wife might first go through boredom and anger, and only after that will she be able to focus on what got her put in the corner. I definitely get the boredom thing, but I'm not sure I'd ever feel angry.

AG says it is "more effective if you physically place your wife in the corner". I would agree with that. There's something more dominant about J leading me to and placing me in the corner. The same with removing me from the corner when my time is up.

I'm sure if I was getting a punishment spanking, J would require me to stand in the corner for a longer period of time. But let's hope I don't find out anytime soon!

I hope you all have a good weekend and try not to get in trouble!