I am a submissive woman

I just read this poem at the CornerTime blog. It really says a lot of how I feel about being submissive to J.

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I am a submissive woman

I find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive

to my Husband in a loving relationship.

I am not weak or stupid. I am a strong woman,

with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life.

I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.

I will look to my loving Husband for guidance and protection, for never

will I be more complete than when He is with me.

I know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul

with His strength and wisdom.

He is everything to me, as I am everything to Him.

His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.

Only in serving Him do I find complete freedom and joy…

His punishments may be harsh, but I accept them thankfully,

knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.

If He desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to Him

and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought Him happiness.

However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of our relationship.

The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,

those are all parts of this relationship.

My body is His, and if He says I am beautiful, then I am.

No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in His eyes,

and because of that I hold my head high.

If He says I am His precious jewel,

then I am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.

If He says that I am His pet, His slut, His whore, then I am that..

as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be.

My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can.

I have no secrets from Him… for secrets are a thing that would

keep me from being more perfectly His.

Secrets would put a wall up between my Husband and myself…

and I do not want walls.

His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own,

but they are lessons He has decided that I need, and so I learn from Him.

My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be

when I kneel naked at His feet.

Never a moment goes by when I do not feel His presence,

be He miles away or standing over me.

If I were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul,

worse punishment than any lashes could be.

The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint Him

is harder to bear than any physical anguish I feel.

I am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend

His time and energy so freely on me.

I have the easier job, to feel, to experience,

to let myself go and abandon everything to Him.

I am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously .

I am a submissive woman.

I am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that I do not give lightly,

and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.

Only to my Husband who has that strength, will I give myself fully,

because I am strong and proud.

I am a submissive woman.

~Author Unknown

Weekends Free to Play!

My brother started seeing a girl a few months ago off and on, and they're to the point where he's been spending weekends at her house. So we have had the last 2 weekends to ourselves. It's been a lot of fun.

J has wanted to spend time on my submission (or lack of), especially with regard to sex. Early on Saturday J gave me a quick pussy spanking. He says he wanted to just put me in a certain mood without making it a punishment. He also let me know we were going to spend the day practicing my submission.

One of the things J has a lot of fun with is trying to make me cum on his cue. Just sort of randomly throughout Saturday he would lead me into the bedroom and tell me I was masturbate, using only my hand. His instructions were to cum when he told me to. I never do well at this game, and this past weekend was no exception.

Each time immediately after I started, J gave my pussy a few light swats. Each one reminded me of my earlier spanking. J is very familiar with how long it normally takes me to cum, but since I already had multiple orgasms it was taking me longer and longer each time. J would decide when it was long enough and would tell me to cum. When I didn't, he'd start spanking my pussy in a consistent pattern. He said he was going to spank me until I came. And he was true to his word. Every. Time. When I did reach my climaxes I came very hard. They were fantastic and exhausting at the same time.

It was a fun weekend, feeling close to J and just being able to be alone without anyone else in the house. I'm already looking forward to next weekend!

Punished for Lack of Submission

We had another night alone, last night, since my brother spent the night out. J didn't waste any time telling me we needed to discuss something. Uh oh.

He led me into the bedroom and we sat down on the bed, facing each other. J said that he realizes with my brother being here I've had virtually no spanking, so he's been lenient. My motivation level is way down, which I'm getting a pass on right now, but my submission level is also down. Not that I'm being all disrespectful, but I have been consistently turning J down for sexual things. And that is a big no no...something we agreed on a long time ago. I mostly blame it on my brother being here, but we have had plenty of quiet sex with people in the house before, and I know it and J knows it. It's just an excuse and it's solely due to me being lazy and not "feeling like it".

As I've said in the past, even when I'm not in the mood, once we start anything sexual I get in the mood in real quick! Like 99.9% of the time. And I'm always glad we did it. That's one of the reasons J and I agreed that unless I was not feeling well or was in some way distressed, I would not refuse any of his sexual advances. And it's worked out great!

Except part of it working well is me getting reminder spankings multiple times a week and pussy spankings once a week. It helps me stay motivated in day to day life, and sexually with J. And we haven't been able to stay on our regular spanking schedule because my brother has been staying here.

Since we had a night alone, J told me I was going to get a pussy spanking. He said it was going to be a punishment, for lack of submission, but since I was so out of practice he would do it more like one of our reminder spankings. I almost cried right there! I haven't had a real spanking there in months! And I recently shaved, so I didn't even have any hair as a cushion!

I slowly undressed and got into position. There was no warmup and J swatted me with his hand a few quick sting-y times in a row. I could not hold still and was squirming all over the place. I thought J was going to have to get the spreader bar, but instead he propped my legs up in a way that I couldn't close them. I still had a hard time staying still. J spanked every inch of my pussy, he spread my lips and spanked the insides of them, and he spanked my clit. I could tell it was light but it sure didn't feel light!

The entire time J reminded me of our agreement. He reminded me that I gave him my pussy and told him he could have access to me whenever he wanted to. He asked me if I was still happy with our agreement. Yes! Of course!

J continued with the spanking.

Afterwards I was led to the corner, where I've only stood once or twice in the past several months. It felt strange. J told me to stand there and think about the conversation we just had and the reason I just got my pussy spanked.

The 15 minutes in the corner seemed like 2 hours. J finally called me back into the bedroom. He asked me how I felt. I sort of laughed and said "like I want to fuck your brains out!" J laughed too and we slid back onto the bed and I got to do just what I wanted!

Back to the spanking schedule

J feels that I've been motivated and progressing well toward my goals each day, so we are back to 3 reminder spankings a week. He spanked me extra hard on Monday, to be sure I'd be thinking about it until Wednesday. I have been gradually feeling more motivated. The more things I can accomplish, the more motivated I feel. I don't know why I need to be spanked, but when I don't have those consequences I slack off immediately!

We've also been working on my submission, which I've mentioned before. Often J is very lenient and gives me many chances to do what he says. It's pretty common that I will hem and haw and he will say "Do you want your pussy spanked?" And I will say no, and we will go back and forth like that until I eventually do as I'm told.

But over the weekend, I got a glimpse of a much more strict J. He asked me to show him my tits. I hesitated for a second and he very calmly grabbed my hand and let me into the bedroom. Without a word he laid me back on the bed, took off my pants and proceeded to spank my pussy with his hand. He switched over to the ruler and spanked for probably 5 straight minutes without stopping! He reminded me that I asked to be punished when I did not comply with what he was telling me to do. He asked me several times if I understood and agreed. Of course I did. The pussy spanking didn't last very long, but it was hard and fast. When he was done, he told me to come into the office. I was allowed to put my pants back on, but no shirt. J placed me on a stool next to his desk, in sort of a time-out for 10 minutes while we talked about our agreement. He had his hands on my tits during the whole lecture. I was not allowed a shirt until the next morning.

Spanking week 2

J decided this week was going to be a repeat of last week, as far as spankings go. He says I'm doing great with getting my to-do list completed, but thinks I'm still not quite as motivated as I should be. And I agree. He also upped by bedtime, just by 15 minutes for now, to help me get moving a bit earlier in the day.

So I will be spanked every day this week, plus pussy spanked 3 times, and immediately after I will give J a blow job. He says after this week if I'm back to being as motivated as I need to be, we can resume our old schedule of 3 reminder spankings a week.

We are also working on my level of sexual submission to J. I want to get back to the point where my body is available to him whenever he wants it. I used to always be game for sex, but now I just feel old and fat. I find that when the choice is made for me, I can get past any grumpy feelings I might be having and get right to the fun parts.

Over the weekend, J presented me with a pacifier that has a penis as the rubber part that goes in your mouth. We don't get into the age play scene, but as part of my submission, J will sometimes treat me like a child.

Today he told me I was to place the pacifier in my mouth before I left the house and keep it there anytime I was in the car. Of course no one can see the penis part when it's in my mouth, but they can still see a grown woman with a pacifier in her mouth! And it's not easy to hide - it's got a big, baby blue, plastic ring. Here is a picture of it:

I drove with it all the way to the Post Office and back with it securely in my mouth, and it seems like I hit every red light and a lot of traffic.

I feel like everyone saw me.

I don't even know what they thought.

Back to our Spanking Routine, day 1

Promptly at 6pm, J instructed me to go to the bedroom and take off my clothes. He had already arranged many of our implements on the bed. He was clearly ready to start back up with our version of DD.

Once I was face down, J started with a brief lecture. He reminded me that I am to stay motivated to achieve my daily goals and complete my daily to do list. And if I do not, there will be consequences. He started spanking me gently, due to my not having been consistently spanked for several months. He continued the lecture saying that when he holds me accountable, he finds that he is more motivated and holds himself at a higher standard. So it is very important that we stay on track.

He also reminded me that whining will not be tolerated. If I whine, J will make sure to find something else for me to do with my mouth (with an option to also spank me).

J increased the speed and intensity of the spanking, and repeated the lecture a few more times. My ass was definitely sensitive and I was squirming and fussing. At one point J used his hand to spank me really quickly one right after the other on one cheek, and then the same on the other cheek. It made me feel a bit like a child; that's usually the way I imagine a parent spanking their kid. But I guess if I act like a child by whining, I should be treated like one.

Once J decided I had enough for the first day, he repeated the lecture and asked me if I understood (yes). I counted the last 10 swats out loud.

J then positioned me on my back, across his lap, where he had good access to my pussy. He went over my original agreement with him to never deny him sexually, unless I was ill or injured. Some people may think that might be extreme, but it really works for us. J is not demanding, and anytime I'm not in the mood, but I say yes anyway, it ends up being enjoyable and I'm glad I didn't turn him down.

He then proceeded to spank my pussy with his hand, a leather strap, and a wooden ruler he sanded down smooth, just for this purpose. He also spent some time playing with my clit. He would rub it for a few seconds and then spank it for a few seconds. It really hurts when he spanks my clit, but J always seems to know just how much I can take.

When my pussy was sufficiently pink, I was sent to the corner to think about the spankings I had just received and the reason for them.

After standing in the corner for about 10 minutes, J called me to him. He already had a pillow waiting for me (how nice!). He guided me down to my knees and placed his rock hard cock in my mouth. He also positioned a full length mirror next to us, because he wanted to watch. I tried to put on a good show for him.

I took a quick shower to rinse all the cum off of me and refresh myself. I get so tired after a spanking.

Face Slapping

Awhile ago I started commenting on an article I saved. As I've mentioned, I do not know the origin of this article, so if any of it sounds familiar to you, please send me a message or leave me a comment.

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One topic the Article Guy (AG) discusses is Face Slapping.

AG says he does not use face slapping regularly with his wife, but he did find it effective in the beginning of their DD relationship. He says when he does utilize it, he never slaps hard, it's more about the submission than causing any pain. He advises not to slap much harder than how you would pat a baby's back. You can "do it a few times to really get her attention". He says to be careful of the cheek bone and to stick with the fleshy parts of the cheek. AG noticed his wife became instantly submissive when he would slap her face.

With his wife kneeling in front of him AG "cups my wife's chin and make her look at me. I slap her cheeks and scold her at the same time."

AG says his wife finds this very humbling.

I can see how it would be.

J slaps my face sometimes. It's always when I'm in a submissive state, like during a weekly pussy spanking. He never has and never would do it in anger. We both agree that would be crossing a line. He's never slapped me hard, it's more startling and attention-getting than anything else.

Next time I need to be scolded, maybe J will try AG's kneeling technique.

So how do you feel about face slapping?

Nearly Naked in the car

Some friends of ours are away and we've been going over every night to get their mail, water their plants, pick up the paper, that sort of thing. Well tonight, J informed me that I'd be getting spanked at their house. I didn't see him pack any paddles in the car, so I didn't know at all what he had planned.

Once we picked up the mail and watered the outside flowers, J told me to go into their living room and take my pants off. While I was doing that, J seemed to be wandering around the house, looking for something. When he returned to the living room he was carrying a very thick yard stick that he found in our friends' utility room.

He bent me over the arm of the couch and gave me 7 or 8 really hard swats with the yard stick. It hurt more than I thought it would. I didn't realize how heavy the thing was. J reminded me that I have repeatedly told him I want to finish my to do list every day. And that I agreed there would be consequences when I don't.

He put the yard stick on the floor and sat in the middle of the couch. I bent over his lap and got my reminder spanking. It didn't last as long as normal, but it was more intense with quicker and harder swats. J didn't take any breaks. He just used his hand but it stung just as much as some of our implements.

It was weird being in someone else's house, in a different room than I'm normally in. It was a little bit scary and a little bit exciting. We did not stay there for very long after the spanking.

We went back out to our car and J told me to take off my bra and unbutton my shirt. I did as I was told, but wasn't sure where this was going. I sat in the passenger seat and put my seatbelt on. J made sure my shirt was fully open. It was dark, so I didn't feel too exposed. He spent the first few minutes of the drive rubbing my boobs and pinching my nipples. I was then instructed to unbutton my pants and rub my clit. But J told me not to cum. The drive between our friends' house and ours is about 15 minutes. It was a struggle to rub my clit for that long without cumming.

When we came to the first big intersection with a traffic light, I commented how bright it was. The light was red and other cars were stopping all around us. I tried to slink further down in the seat, but I could still see the reflection of my naked boob in the car window and side mirror. I'm pretty sure other people could too. I was a little bit nervous about that, but I was mostly focused on my clit by that point.

J mentioned that when we go to our friends' tomorrow he wants me to wear a skirt. He also said that we should get me a "driving outfit" which I'm sure would involve a skirt and some sort of tiny, easily accessible, or see-through shirt.

When we pulled into our driveway, J told me I could button my pants, but to leave my shirt open. I was pretty sure no one could see me, but as I stood under the porch light, I couldn't help but feel very visible.

Once we were safely inside, J removed the rest of my clothes and led me to the bedroom where I was finally allowed to cum. I am still topless and I likely will remain so until tomorrow.

Many implements

I came into the bedroom and saw all of these implements laying out on the bed.



I knew tonight I was going to be spanked on my ass and also on my pussy. For various reasons that seemed to happen one right after the other, it has been a long time since I've had my pussy spanked.

I was first told to lay on my stomach. J sat next to me on the bed and began to spank me with his hand. He switched on and off with the strap, ruler, and other implements pictured above. At one point he spanked each cheek hard, very quickly, one right after the other. It seemed to go on forever. My ass was on fire.

We discussed the usual topics during the spanking. The reasons for the spanking, understanding the rules and consequences, if these reminder spankings help me get things done, and what I need to do to avoid punishment.

Once that was over he had me flip onto my back. He started right in, using his hand at first. He also used one of the small leather slappers. J lectured me more than usual tonight during my pussy spanking. He was very stern. I felt like he was in a very strict mode and I also felt like he would not abuse that role and he would take care of me. He thoroughly spanked my pussy and lips. He even spanked inside my lips, on the very sensitive part. He used the ruler on my pussy and also on my nipples. It stung and I know I squirmed a lot.

I feel very submissive immediately after a pussy spanking. I guess that's the idea. Thing is, it wears off pretty quickly. The submissive feeling. Not totally, but mostly.

Tonight, right after my spanking, J did an inspection of my pussy. He checked to make sure there were no marks or bruising. I feel so exposed when he does his examinations.

He then started playing with my clit. At one point I asked him to move his thumb to a different position. He asked me if I was trying to tell him how to play with his toy. And he said, "Didn't we just talk about whose toy this is?" Yes, yes, we did.

I was close to cuming, but he stopped and said that wasn't the time for that. I hopped in the shower and thought about finishing myself off, but I wasn't sure if I should. We have no set rule about me cuming. Generally I just cum whenever I want. So I thought I would wait and mention it later. When I did J said I could use my favorite toy tonight to come before I go to bed. I am looking forward to that. I couldn't wait though. Just a little while ago I used my hand while still in the office. I just couldn't wait for the release.

Submission

I really notice a difference in my submission level when I am pussy spanked. It had been a few weeks since the last one and I've felt a little more disconnected in the submission part of my relationship with J.

But after Wednesday's spanking, I feel more of a desire to please J and I feel somehow more...protected? I don't know if that's the right word to use. I guess there's a sort of security feeling I get when J is taking care of me. And when I know J is filling my needs, I'm more wanting to fill his.

The spanking itself was relatively mild compared to others I've had. I've been having some dry skin troubles around my legs, and J was careful not to spank there (he sometimes spanks my inner thighs when I'm receiving a pussy spanking). But it still had the desired effect.

Sometimes when J spreads my lips and spanks, I am afraid it will hurt so much that I won't be able to handle it. But every time J knows just how to do it perfectly, and he never damages me, physically or emotionally. It's an amazing feeling to be able to put that much trust in someone.

Hints of Submission

I remembered to show my list to J tonight when he got home from work. Normally something like that is no big deal, but as I was laying my list on his chair, I noticed I felt a little bit proud. Like I was doing something that I knew pleased J. It was just that little bit of submissive feeling coming through.

I used to feel hints of submission like that a lot more often. I think I will again as time goes on, if we can keep up with our version of DD.

Immediately after that I realized I am not due any spanking today. My initial emotional response was a slight bit of disappointment. Then I remembered how much my ass still hurt from the previous 2 days and my disappointment melted into relief.

I think it wasn't the spanking I wanted, as much as wanting to feel the way I feel before/during/after a spanking. It's a hard feeling to explain. I think it's partially knowing that when I get things accomplished and do what J wants me to do, I am the perfect wife. And I like that. It makes me happy. Also, during those moments it feel like my sole purpose is to please J and to serve him. And that his sole purpose is to love me and take care of me. Most of the time I like the way those things make me feel.

I'm sure once I am being spanked tomorrow during maintenance, I will be feeling differently. ha. ha.

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A few posts ago I mentioned a file I saved on my computer of an article or blog of unknown origin. I did a few searches on Google, but couldn't find the source. So I am just going to summarize and add my own thoughts about what he wrote.

The Article Guy (AG) starts out by saying discipline is like exercise. You can't just get to your goal weight and then stop. You have to maintain exercise and healthy diet or you will gain your weight back. It's the same with discipline. You have to keep up with it and be consistent, if you want it to be effective.

I absolutely believe this.

J and I have stopped and started our version of DD several times. When we don't keep up with it, it all falls apart (the discipline, not the relationship).

We have a fantastic relationship with or without our version of DD. But we find that with it, we are both more motivated, seem to have more energy, and have a lot more great sex! The only downside I can ever find with it is the time commitment it takes to be consistent.

We don't have anymore house guests planned until around the holidays. I'm hoping that is enough time to strengthen our routine enough to handle the interruption and be able to jump right back into it after the holidays.

I'll post more from the article in one of the next posts.

G'night all.

Maybe he is reading the blog...

I'm thinking maybe J is reading the blog and just not mentioning it. Either that or we are just feeling the same way right now.

We had our 6pm appointment, which, as I suspected included me getting spanked. Right at 6, he told me to go into our bedroom. He came in a few seconds later and told me to strip from the waist down.

Once he had me face down on the bed, he alternated spanking me with his hand and with this ruler thing we got for free at a recent Trade show. It's made of thin wood and it's very light, which makes it sting-y.

I wasn't spanked for very long, J noticed outloud that my butt was "out of practice". During the spanking J said he thinks things are better around our house when I have regular maintenance. So we are going back to that. I don't know what our regular schedule will be, but this week we're doing it on Thursday.

J said he hopes one of these times we start our version of DD it will stick. It's much better when I'm motivated.

I didn't say this to him, because I sometimes feel like I'm trying to control things from the "bottom" and I don't want to do that, but I feel like I need some training. I am out of practice and half of me wants to fight this. But the other half of me likes things better when I am not so lazy. I love having my To Do list done every day with time to spare for fun. I just can't seem to accomplish that on my own, with no real consequences if I don't get things done.

I think after awhile J will be able to be lenient again because I will be more interested in getting things done, I'll be "better trained". I am afraid that I need J to be strict beyond his comfort level. I'm also afraid that he will focus too much on the submission part (especially sexually) because that's the part he likes best. But I really need the discipline, too. I think.

The thing I think I need is also the thing that makes me the most nervous. Are you other spankos that way too?

After my spanking and lecture, J had me stand in the corner. I had my shirt on the whole time, with only my jeans and underwear off, and he had me remain that way. I was supposed to think about everything J said about starting back up with maintenance, receiving discipline, and resuming my submissive role once again.

I was only in the corner for about 5 minutes, and my mind kept drifting most of that time. So I didn't really get to focus on what J wanted me to. I guess that's sort of what I'm doing now.

After the corner, I was sitting in a chair, across from J, still naked from the waist down. He spread my legs open with his legs and held them open. I felt so completely exposed. He didn't do anything, just looked at me.

He eventually let me put my underwear back on, but I am still pantsless.

My brother is coming to stay with us, for I don't know how long. He says 1 night, but that could mean 2 weeks. So I don't know if that's going to kill this attempt at our version of DD before it even starts. We will see.

Anticipation

Sometimes, when I'm sitting here, waiting for a spanking, I can feel the anticipation building. I know that I am going to be spanked when J gets home from work. He will be home in less than an hour. I know I won't be able to talk my way out of it or somehow otherwise distract J from his task.

Depending on my mood, I sometimes feel turned on by the anticipation. Other times I feel irritated and grumpy. And other times I feel thankful and well taken care of. Overall, this spanking schedule we've been keeping has had a positive affect on us. So no matter what kind of mood I'm in, I submit to the spanking.

...LATER...

So I'm writing this part after having just been spanked. J tells me I'm doing great with my errands/chores. I've been making a daily to do list and have completed it every day. I'm also doing well with not using that tone that J hates. I've been coming to bed on time each night, too. But the one thing I haven't been so great with is being submissive (both sexually and not). J really wants to work on that this week.

It's not that I'm completely unsubmissive, I just have had a low sex drive and have been a bit on the grumpy side lately. Part of it is laziness and part of it is letting myself get back out of shape again. I always feel crappy when I don't exercise regularly. So that's the other thing J brought up tonight. He wants me to start going back to the gym. And he decided that he'll go with me to get himself in better shape, too. He says if I don't go, he won't go either, (although if I don't go, I'll get spanked!).

J is in the garage right now putting a final stain on the ruler. My punishment for not being submissive is a spanking on my pussy with the ruler. It's a heavy wooden ruler that J sanded and stained, so it will look nice and not leave any splinters or anything. We haven't actually used it yet, though it's come up in conversation a bunch of times over the past couple of weeks.

I'm a little nervous about the ruler. I've never been spanked on my pussy other than for play. I've never had an actual frontal punishment. I know it is supposed to hurt, and that's what makes me nervous. I think I'm going to be seeing a lot of this ruler in the near future.

If this posting (and my other postings) seems choppy, it's because sometimes I write things throughout the day, as I think of them. I wait to post them until I have some time to type them all out into the blog.

Thanks for reading!

Permission

Sunday J decided I would have to ask him permission to do anything all day. I kept forgetting and would get up to do something and then have to come all the way back into the room, sit back down, and ask J. He always said yes to whatever I asked, it was just about having to ask - even to go to the bathroom!

Later in the evening he pulled me into the bedroom and took me "against my will". Now before anyone worries, it's not really against my will, it's only against my will symbolically. J knows my limits and if I really felt strongly about it, he would have respected my wishes. But overall, I've given him blanket "permission" to do whatever he wants. J can read me very well and I trust him to know if something is truly wrong and act accordingly. So far, he absolutely has.

So, as I was saying, he pulled me into the bedroom and yanked my pants & underwear down, he stuffed my underwear in my mouth, spread my legs and thrust into me. We were both half dressed and half undressed. J was half on the bed and half standing over me, holding my wrists above my head. It was hot!

Right before bed he was asking for a blow job. I didn't feel like it. There was no specific reason, I just felt a little bit grumpy about it, so I protested. He threatened me with a spanking several times before I finally did it. I don't know if I have earned a pussy spanking tomorrow or not. The rule is if I refuse or am grumpy about anything sexual I will get my pussy spanked, but J didn't say anything about it. I guess I will find out on Monday after he gets home from work.

Spare Time.

Getting my "chores" and errands completed before I turn the computer on has been great! I get everything finished quickly and I even seem to end up with some spare time every day.

I need to get back into an exercise routine. I have gotten lazy with that and my muscles feel like they are turning into mush. That's the next thing I really need to work on.

When J came home from work tonight I greeted him in just a robe, my collar, and leash. He told me I looked hot. He led me to the bedroom and I knelt in front of him. I performed oral sex on him for a few minutes and then we had great sex. He used the leash to pull me into different positions.

My Monday spanking came a few hours later and was average in intensity, with the wooden paddle. I will still feel it tomorrow, but it isn't uncomfortable to sit. J says we will continue with 3 times a week this week and next week and then will see if we can take it down to 2 weeks. He told me tonight that he's pleased with the way things have been going. I am too.

I haven't told J I'm writing this blog yet. At first I wanted to wait until I had a few posts up here so he'd actually have something to read. But then I thought that I don't want him to be swayed in any way by something I've said. This is the first time he's taken the sole lead role in this and it's going really well.

So now I'm not sure when I will tell him about this. Not that I'm specficially keeping it from him, it just hasn't seemed like a good time to bring it up.

Essay

My essay was due on Monday by the time J got home from work. Here is the essay I wrote:

There are at least three benefits of having and abiding by a bedtime. I am better rested, have less headaches, and am not as cranky when I get a good amount of sleep. If I do not get enough sleep I do not feel well, plus I get spanked.

When I go to bed when I am supposed to, I feel better rested the next day. My bones and muscles do not ache as much and I am not as tired all day long. There is a definite physical difference that I can feel when I get a good night's sleep.

Going to bed on time also improves my mood and keeps me from being too cranky during the day. I am less likely to be grumpy or use an improper tone with someone when I have gotten 8-9 hours of sleep.

Another benefit is that I do not get as many headaches or migraines when I am well rested. This also helps in me being less cranky because I am not in any pain. My whole being feels much better when I am not suffering from a headache.

By going to bed on time I get the benefits of being well rested, being in a better mood, and getting less frequent headaches. Plus, I don't get spanked or punished.

J thought I did a good job with the essay. This week starts our M-W-F spankings. I am glad not to be getting them every day, but J has told me that he won't hesitate to go back to daily spankings if needed.

J told me to go into the bedroom and take my clothes off to prepare for my Monday spanking. When he came in, he got the wooden paddle he likes to use, which I hate. My spanking was not very severe, but it did hurt! Afterwards J led me to the corner and told me to think about what I needed to do to maintain the life I want. That includes doing my chores (I can't stand a dirty house, but I am lazy and don't clean it as much as I wish I did), staying motivated, and being submissive to J.

We haven't had a lot of time to work on the submissive part, because I had my period all last week. But now he is planning on incorporating a lot more submissive stuff into our "plan", which I have agreed to. When we first met, I was completely sex-crazed. We had great sex, all the time. As I'm getting older I'm a lot lazier about it. I miss those days, and I know J does too. Having great sex often is not only lots of fun, but it's good exercise too! I am not supposed to refuse any of J's advances at any time (unless I'm ill, of course). I'm looking forward to this rule.