Forgotten List

I again forgot to show J my completed to-do list on Friday. I don't know why I keep forgetting. This is the 3rd time. I didn't remember until I was already bent over on the bed, with my pants off for my regular Friday reminder spanking.

J said, "Did you forget to do something today?"

At first I didn't know what he was talking about. And then it dawned on me!
I quietly said, "I didn't show you my list."

I got a short lecture and 4 really hard swats with the strap, in addition to my regular reminder spanking. During the lecture J told me he wanted me to journal about forgetting to show him my list, when I get spanked for it, why, and how I felt.

I don't know if he meant for me to do it on the blog or not, but that's where I'm doing it.

January 29th - Today I was spanked because I forgot to show J my to do list.
I felt shocked at first, I was in disbelief that I had forgotten anything. I've been really good at finishing my list. But once I realized I had forgotten to show J, I felt disappointed in myself. I had forgotten again. J asks me how will he know if I have completed my list or not unless I show it to him?

The spanking hurt and I may have yelped once or twice, but I didn't cry. I never do. J led me to the corner and told me to stand there and think about how I'm going to remember to show him my list every day. I'm still not sure exactly how I'm going to remember, but I hope I do!

Later in the evening I made the mistake of whining. J abhors whining. He always tells me he will find something else to put in my mouth. So after about 30 seconds of whining, I found myself on my knees with J's dick in my mouth. He's done this before and usually only has me suck him off for a few minutes, but last night he had me suck him until he came. In the past he has also made me wear a cock gag for whining. He really doesn't like to hear whining.

J has been on a toy buying spree the past week or so. He ordered a bunch of new stuff. The skirt is the only thing that has arrived so far. We are waiting on several slapper type paddles, and some other stuff. I'll post pictures as things arrive.

I'm not quite sure what he's up to with the new toys, but the theme seems to be "things to slap my pussy with". A lot of these new toys are things that will make me feel very submissive and that's something J has been paying a bit more attention to, lately. I feel like I might be headed for a bit of sub-type training in the near future. I am partially excited and partially terrified. I sometimes get very anxious if I feel that I'm not in control. But once I get past that, it's something that makes me feel good in the end.

Not having had my pussy spanked in so long; I am really feeling like something is missing. Not like there's some big flaw in our relationship or anything...more like the very deep level we connect on is just slightly less deep. It's due to some girlie issues I've been having that have prevented us from playing much and I think that's really what I'm missing. Hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

New skirt!

Do you ever say you need a spanking, and then once you're being spanked you realize you were completely wrong and you didn't need a spanking after all? That's how I felt today. I think J is feeling back into the swing of things this week, as my spanking felt more real than it has for awhile.

J ordered a skirt for me to wear once the weather gets warmer. I think he will have me wear it when I am doing certain household tasks, or maybe after spankings, I'm not sure yet. Here is a picture of it.



I started reading the book I mentioned the other night - The Scorpion's Sweet Venom. I am only a few pages in, but so far I like it. She writes as 2 people - her real self and her prostitute self. I like the way she uses a different font for each story.

I Need a spanking

I'm glad it's Monday. My spanking schedule has been intermittent for the past couple of weeks. I've been sick off and on, and for some reason I always felt worse after a spanking. So J stopped them for all of last week. And pussy spankings haven't happened in 2 or 3 weeks.

I'm feeling mostly better now, so I am getting a spanking tonight. And I really feel like I need one. One day last week I didn't complete my to do list. I just didn't really care about it. Partly it was because I wasn't feeling well and partly it was because I knew there'd be no immediate consequence. At the time J did say we will discuss it next week.

I hate admitting that I *need* to be spanked, but my motivation slips away so quickly without regular physical reminders. I keep thinking that one of these days we will decrease the reminder spankings to maybe 2 days a week or maybe even once a week, like we once did. But it seems like as long as 3 days a week keep working, J is going to stick with that schedule.

I probably won't get a pussy spanking this week, but those will resume next week. I am feeling like I need one of those too. I haven't felt very submissive or sexual lately. Again it's partly because I am unwell, but it's also because we haven't had that connection in awhile. J has mentioned that he can tell I am in need of one.

I just got a new book. It's called "The Scorpion's Sweet Venom: The Diary of a Brazilian Call Girl" by Bruna Surfistinha. Part memoir, part cautionary tale, part sex guide, Bruna brings to life the raw, desperate and dangerous underbelly of the Brazilian sex trade, and shares outrageous advice for the bedroom, like what men really want but are too afraid to ask. Provocative, seductive and unforgettable, The Scorpion’s Sweet Venom is the vivid account of a young girl’s life on the street, and a fearless expression of human sexuality.

I'll post a review after I read it. Anyone else reading anything?

Motivation & Consequences

J and I talked about consequences tonight. Well he mostly talked (and spanked) and I mostly listened. J asked me if I feel more motivated. I'm not sure motivated is the right word, but I definitely make sure my things are done every day.

I notice that when I'm thinking about not completing my to do list, my first thought is that I know I'll get spanked for it. I say things to myself like, "It won't be so bad." But I've not yet had a punishment spanking since the most recent time we started our version of DD. I know the maintenance spankings are pretty bad, I don't really want to know what a more severe spanking would be like.

Ultimately I decide to complete my list and not find out what a punishment spanking would be like.

I haven't had any corner time in a few weeks. The corner we normally use has been occupied by some boxes of stuff that we need to move to storage. So J has been skipping that part. I can't say I feel any differently about things without the corner time. I know it's supposed to be time to reflect, but I usually just stand there, bored and wondering how much longer I have to stand there. So I haven't missed it.

Since we are talking about corner time, I thought I would comment on another section from the article of unknown origin. (AG = Article Guy)

AG is a big fan of corner time. He requires his wife to be nude while in the corner, which is essentially what J does. Although J does let me wear a robe (untied) if I am chilly.

AG says the minimum amount of corner time should be 10-15 minutes for maintenance, and 20-30 for punishments. J usually only makes me stand in the corner for 5 minutes or less. I get bored standing there and usually my mind drifts to other things that aren't related to the spanking I just received.

AG's reasoning for the length of time is that he says there are cycles of thought. He says his wife might first go through boredom and anger, and only after that will she be able to focus on what got her put in the corner. I definitely get the boredom thing, but I'm not sure I'd ever feel angry.

AG says it is "more effective if you physically place your wife in the corner". I would agree with that. There's something more dominant about J leading me to and placing me in the corner. The same with removing me from the corner when my time is up.

I'm sure if I was getting a punishment spanking, J would require me to stand in the corner for a longer period of time. But let's hope I don't find out anytime soon!

I hope you all have a good weekend and try not to get in trouble!

Submission

I really notice a difference in my submission level when I am pussy spanked. It had been a few weeks since the last one and I've felt a little more disconnected in the submission part of my relationship with J.

But after Wednesday's spanking, I feel more of a desire to please J and I feel somehow more...protected? I don't know if that's the right word to use. I guess there's a sort of security feeling I get when J is taking care of me. And when I know J is filling my needs, I'm more wanting to fill his.

The spanking itself was relatively mild compared to others I've had. I've been having some dry skin troubles around my legs, and J was careful not to spank there (he sometimes spanks my inner thighs when I'm receiving a pussy spanking). But it still had the desired effect.

Sometimes when J spreads my lips and spanks, I am afraid it will hurt so much that I won't be able to handle it. But every time J knows just how to do it perfectly, and he never damages me, physically or emotionally. It's an amazing feeling to be able to put that much trust in someone.